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  • Writer's picturematilde tomat

the STONE : the thread

I am writing this on Sunday because I needed time to understand the signs and synchronicities of yesterday.

My week has been filled with colours, and forms, and shapes, and art and decisions. I have a deadline for this coming week, for a new project in connection with Leeds Library and my university and I feel confident in what I was making, and the process (which starts with divination, goes through a state of channelling, to the production of a painting, which then is cut and reassembled in a specific way - but more to come in another post). Part of my decision-making revolves now in finding the right way to present this work.

So, I was really looking forward to this Saturday for myself and my personal channelling.

The first cards I drew wanted to be placed in a specific order. I have added more from different decks later, so here you can see how the whole experience panned out, even if I drew and analysed them in stages:

I had: 64: the Offering, 51: the Flame, 70: the Thread, and 6: the Mentor (the numbers are reduced to 11). The OFFERING asked me to sacrifice something, considering that what I would sacrifice is also sacred. What is it that I can give up? Is there something I have to give up? I felt a sense of urgency in me and at the same time, nothing came up... It's Lent now and I have already quit smoking! I was wondering how would I feel if I were to give (up) the whole of myself, unconditionally, in a sort of fully committed version of my dedication. Not just in words, but in deeds too, which expands beyond a blog, lighting candles and meditating. I am thinking about the old Germanic God Odin, one-eyed, and his sacrifice: god of Wisdom and divination. He offers one of his eyes in exchange for the knowledge of the Universe. How dedicated am I? How far can I go? And I am not talking of mutilating myself, but I am left wondering how many blog posts will I write, what if something/someone asks me to look at my schedule and rethink my Saturdays: will I give in? How important is this for me? The FLAME (or AGNI, in Sanskrit) asks me to re-ignite that fire of passion, to revisit my Inner Archetype, the one that drives my writing, my art, my life. Trataka (i.e. the candle-glazing technique) reminds me that inner transformation is what leads to purification which then in turns brings manifestation.

And here is that THREAD to follow: again, a path, a vein, a circuit. Ariadne's thread in a labyrinth, a potential tangle of distractions (destructions?!). Ariadne also as Libera, i.e. Free. Ariadne as "arihagne" or utterly pure. She is the one in charge of the labyrinth and of the sacrifices (!) to the Minotaur. If I feel a tug, a pull, will I follow that thread?

[this session really feels like a call to arms, for a war I don't fully understand, a battle I feel I am not prepared for]

What is the Meaning of it all? What is the Purpose? And why do I keep on going back to the Celestine Prophecy, to how I felt when I first read it? To that experience in particular.

Eva Hesse <No title> 1969–1970

Where is my thread, for me to follow? When was I safe and secure? When did I feel protected? When did I feel fully connected? Can I recall that moment? Can I pick up the right thread and follow it? Can I trust?

In all of this, I have been given by the cards a specific hint to look at Eva Hesse, who is the artist my own Lecturer V. Corby wrote a book about. And me, making my own maps and mazes... the perfect synchronicity I shouldn't be amazed by anymore. I shouldn't question. I should let go and simply trust.

The MENTOR reminds me to stay a student, to keep in studying, and learning and questioning. To be of service to the greater plan - a plan I don't know anything about and of which I perceive only the borders. Can I be safe in a labyrinth? I am reminded of all my fears of a couple of weeks ago, when looking for and finding safety were paramount, for me.

I felt compelled to pull a MUSE Card which landed next to the Mentor card: the Ace of Emotions (cups). I reached for that deck because it's woman- and goddess-based and there is something appealing in the art deco kind of drawings and collages. Remember to be fluid, and to use your creativity, that creativity that comes from the Heart! She prompts me to create new perceptions, by healing, by blending, by reconnecting. By taking a risk. I could see myself blindfolded, taking a risk, but I am still wondering how calculated that would still be. Because I am me, and I like to make sense of things. Hence: what can I let go of? What can I give up?

[I am feeling progressively stupid, disconnected. Like if I have been given a very simple puzzle I am not able to work out].

In order to ease myself into the I Ching, I decide to pull one Oracle card and of course, two come out!

Both suggest patience and to let go of control. The Fates, again, are asking me what it is that I am offering. Again, a sense of urgency, of giving something up.

What, and for whom? For what? Why? How? I do hope that the I Ching can clarify all these questions. The hexagram is very clear: Fire over Thunder.

This is n. 21: ERADICATING... (sorry, what?!) Eradicating is all about giving up, getting rid of an obstruction that affects the union. Once this obstruction is removed, harmony and progress can happen. The bringing together of two parts will happen. Now, this is hindered.

I have to give up something. I mean, from the very first archetype card - if that wasn't clear enough - I am hinted, suggested, advised, told to offer something up.

I am left feeling that the only connection, union, I can think of is the one I always go back to, when I was first reading the Celestine Prophecy.

I remember a warm day in October 1996. My dad passed away the previous year and his brother, for my birthday, gave me a copy of The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, telling me: “I don’t know what to make of this. You just read it”. Funny enough, we never actually spoke about the book, ever, after that. For me, though, after what I went through and how lost I felt, everything seemed to make sense, after that day. I didn’t just read the book: I lived it, felt it, experienced it. [...] Then one day I was sitting on a chair, on a very hot summer day, in Udine, while I was reading The Celestine Prophecy, and an intense calm came over me or expanded within me and I felt at once me, part of me, part of a whole, and the whole being me, all at the same time. Everything started to glow, and I felt very light and at peace. If I close my eyes now I can still feel the same experience in my body. What if, then, my panic attack was nothing more than a spiritual experience?

This is what I wrote in Rebeltherapy. I remember a specific afternoon, sitting, reading, and feeling whole, and part of the whole. I felt safe, eternal, water and wave, god and human, Thought and Feeling. I was everything. And that connection, that moment of blissful perfection, is what I miss the most. THAT connection. So, what is it that obstructs my connection? What is it that I have to give up, to go back there?

I chose two more cards from the Jungian deck, with a specific question: what is it that you want me to give up?

This answer, again, left me humbled and mesmerised by the perfection of these synchronicities. Again, I feel guided and safe. But the next cards deserve an entry on their own. Because they link to Plato and its Timeaus, which presents an elaborately wrought account of the formation of the universe and an explanation of its impressive order and beauty and which has been mentioned during my last seminar - since quoted by Deleuze, a seminar led by the same tutor who wrote about Eva Hesse, who was mentioned in the THREAD card.

Can YOU see where I am going?

In the meantime, I needed soothing, so I have been listening to this:

And today I am out, writing this in my car, parked under a tree, following hints and more or less imaginary threads, with my old copy of the Celestine Prophecy in my bag.

I shall see you all next time.

in the meantime, ad maiora!


© mtomat 2021 - written on 21022021 - no reproduction without permission.

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