so, so, so much
This post is convoluted, but take it as it comes and if you have any suggestions for me, please let me know!
As of this week, I am offering free archetypal tarot reading sessions. This is part of the evolution of my personal journey in which I am flipping the counselling sessions upside down (there is more in my previous posts if this is your first time here…)
[I’m all excited writing this, I hope it makes sense]
I was supposed to have 2 sessions today. I woke up after a night of dreams in which I was asked to sing along my favourite singer, on stage, at a large stadium concert, in a kind of Cinderella vibe, to find that I was petrified: I was experiencing not the normal sense of anxiety for something new, but a deep feeling of not being prepared, not being enough, not being the right person for that task. It’s that kind of feeling you experience when you go to school, knowing that there could be a surprise test you haven’t studied for so you are not prepared, you know you’re going to fail, and you just leave and hide for the whole day. THAT feeling. Coupled with shame, embarrassment, you name it! It didn’t last long, but it was good to face that kind of fear: i.e. more journaling, thank you very much!
So, when I sat down and both clients cancelled the sessions and I did my own reading, I felt comfortable, in my place, I owned that place, it felt my rightful space and I started my reading. Well, see the cards that came out!
That Dead End, again! As full of possibilities, that Empty Room upside down, which to me sounded like an empty cardboard box I was shaking to make sure nothing was left inside, but which obliged me to look up, up at that sky and not down.
I felt in charge of the empty room, comfortable in my silent empty space.
Kim Krans points me to John Cage whom I simply adore and explored at College (here and here) and she suggests listening to his 4.33 : here is the link for all of you to experience!
And then, that tool I am given : the Ring; circle, closure, protection, One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them, In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie, the Wheel, the infinite, all the connections, the Mandalas, the Unus Mundus, and Rilke with his:
I live my life in widening circles
that reach out across the world.
I may not complete this last one
but I will give myself to it.
I circle around God, around the primordial tower.
I’ve been circling for thousands of years
and I still don’t know: am I a falcon,
a storm, or a great song?
Everything pointing me at a great connection with whatever is above. The card at the bottom of the deck was The One. I have been given two places, a tool, and now with whom? The One. The non-dual Self, the Whole. And what better card for me, a Vedantin? That is the foundation of Advaita Vedanta: Brahman, Sacchidānanda, existence, consciousness, bliss. I am that, you are that, everything is that, that’s all there is. This is intimate union, this is us in the vastness of everything, and as the vastness of everything, both the giver and the receiver of life itself. This is Om, this is David Whyte’s Self Portrait:
It doesn’t interest me if there is one God
Or many gods.
I want to know if you belong — or feel abandoned;
If you know despair
Or can see it in others.
I want to know
If you are prepared to live in the world
With its harsh need to change you;
If you can look back with firm eyes
Saying “this is where I stand.”
I want to know if you know how to melt
Into that fierce heat of living
Falling toward the center of your longing.
I want to know if you are willing
To live day by day
With the consequence of love
And the bitter unwanted passion
Of your sure defeat.
I have been told
In that fierce embrace
Even the gods
Speak of God.
And, again, I am guided towards the Unus Mundus, that Jungian concept that unifies archetypes and synchronicity (if I could write some 1000 f*g exclamation marks, I now would!!!!!!!) where everything exists, comes from, and returns to.
That missing link I have always believed in and had my share of difficulties in describing, even though I wrote about it in my last book (as you would…).
This is Gaia, its hypothesis turned into theory by James Lovelock whom I studied at University when I decided I wouldn't believe in God anymore, and instead found God again in his words. This is James Redfield and his Celestine Prophecy. This is Everything.
The following cards have all been hints, even more precise, to go within; and a further confirmation of my own intuitive and psychic abilities.
I could write way more, so much more. But I have decided that on this first day of Abundance, receiving an Empty Room which is full of so much, is the perfect beginning!
ॐ शान्तिः שָׁלוֹם سلام
If you haven’t done it yet and you would like to join me, pls check my first post here and follow me on FB here for tips, hints and to share your experience.
Sending you all good vibes!
onwards + upwards ♡
mandi!
mx