This is now feeling like the end. Next week is the installation and I am still feeling poorly and the recording has been a struggle. Fortunately, I have been surrounded by supportive people, who helped me in any way possible. And of this, I will be forever grateful.
Unfortunately, I haven't prayed. It just did not come. This is really something if you think that this is the week of self-protection and still most of the perils we face in our creative endeavour are spiritual: my toxic pattern is to stop praying.
Not that I have stopped believing or having my usual chat with him, but the whole morning prayer with the big red book has gone out of the window.
I am questioning the concept of Faith and if the faith I should have shown by praying is linked to the faith in this process and the faith in my abilities, and the faith I have in the final product (and its outcome).
At this very moment, I feel overwhelmed and I cling to the knowledge that I have to move forward and I cannot stop but it feels like I am swimming (or drowning?) in competition, lack, envy, and lack of care.
Again: it's not going to last long, it's going to end soon and I just have to hold on just a little bit more!