leaving the village
Change is like cha-cha-cha: two steps forward and one step back. I am all up for it one day, and then the following one I wake up doubting, chased by the myriads of options and possibilities and potentialities out there.
Yes, I want to do that! But: how will I do it? When? And in what way? How will I live? Where shall I make the videos? Via which account? Do I need to open a new channel on YT?
It took me yesterday whole afternoon sitting in the sun in Lytham, pen in hand, to write down questions, provide easy answers, look up things online, create mind maps and then organise them in neat columns in an excel spreadsheet. All the while, the creative me just wanted to start: do it, do it, do it, c’mon let me do it, let’s start and we’ll sort out the shit later, c’moooooooon…
No. In a very Italian almost stern voice: No. Not this time.
There is something else that needs doing: I want to remember to check in with myself along the way on how I am doing, what I am feeling, and if I am resisting something. For example, mourning what I will leave behind.
Today three cards have been very clear: that Dead End has turned into a portal to new things, that stuckness has actually thrust me forward and The Village is now too small, too stable, too fixed for me and it is time to leave while flipping things upside down. But I shouldn’t forget to grieve, to let go, to make conscious decisions. Those tears will support me to the next level, by releasing weight; this is my strength: my own vulnerability, my own humanity.
I am about to leave the Village, as in a forma mentis and conditioning I had for the past 7 years (professionally) and 52 (culturally). I am leaving behind expectations and measuring up. Don’t get me wrong, I left the Village before. But, now I see it as trying to leave Manchester. I did not actually leave Manchester: I left Castlefield. Then I left Ordsall, then Salford, the Pendlebury. Every time is a step further out. Every time is “leaving Manchester” a bit more. Until you reach the borders of Greater Manchester and there you stop and check-in with yourself that this is what you really want to do. And you realise that you will always bring some of that Manchester away with you. In you.
But it is that time to take that step forward and let go.
Sending you all good vibes!
onwards + upwards ♡
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