homesickness
I shuffled and shuffled and the same card came out: make it more sensual, make it more sensual, Matilde!
I can’t.
Today I drove to York to visit the city where I will be studying art for the next couple of years, but the Universe took me to Ljubljana and to borders. The friend I was with and I planned trips, moving to Slovenia when we will both finish university and we felt that the motorway was taking us to Possibility, a place we often dream of in times when we don’t dare move.
But I spent the best of last evening planning a trip to Italy, by car, to be done this October.
1900 and something km.
Because I feel homesick and I need my food and my language and the comfort of home. I am wondering if knowing that I am starting this new phase of my life in York is making me want to “go home”, instead. Homesickness due to fear.
[thinking about it…]
No. I just miss home.
Tonight has been a night of
Come quando per tristezza giri il mondo
Come quando tu mi guardi e non rispondo
Come quando come sempre sempre aspetti
Come quando guardi solo i tuoi difetti
Like when you travel the world out of sadness
Like when you look at me and I don’t reply
Like when like always, always waiting
Like when you look only at your flaws
which are lyrics of the Italian song "La Paura non esiste"by Tiziano Ferro, but here in the version sung by Fiorella Mannoia.
This morning I was listening to a lecture by Swami Sarvapriyananda on the Bhagavad Gita and he was mentioning the three sorrows which are the causes of all problems: 1. Personal problems; 2. Problem with other Beings; and 3. Natural Disasters. Hence: self, external, natural. The solution is always spiritual because spiritual solutions are eternal, permanent, and satisfactory. [please, stay with me...] Vedanta, which is the faith that best represents my beliefs, states that Knowledge of the Self is the solution. Not praying, meditating, changing rituals. Knowing who and what you are - your real identity - is the solution and what provides liberation and peace. Knowing what you are. Of course, Vedanta tells you clearly who we are, but most of the time we don’t get it. Hence, then, the meditation, the prayers and the rituals which aid in the understanding.
[this here is the LINK to the full playlist of all the lectures on the Gita by Swamiji. Enjoy!]
Only the knowledge of the self.
This took me to our wk 02, of course, as identity. Knowing what we are. And then I have been questioning how much my own nationality / land / language / existential melancholy makes up, now, my own idea of identity, feeding my threefold sorrows: who I am, how I interact with people, and with the environment, the surrounding.
So, when I decided tonight to use the Oblique Strategies cards by Brian Eno and I saw that card about making my “work” more sensual, I really wanted another one. I wanted an answer, not more work. But, no! the Universe wants me to focus and work on THAT message.
This I will be doing tomorrow, then! [If I will ever be able to concentrate...]
If you haven’t done it yet and you would like to join me, pls check my first post here and follow me on FB here for tips, hints and to share your experience.
Sending you all good vibes!
onwards + upwards ♡
mandi!
mx