TAW wk 02 : IDENTITY /a
sbilfs and scythes
I am back home and writing this sitting on my sofa, in the comfort of my living room.
Week Two… this is the week that has always fascinated me the most because we all think that we know who we are and what we want. We like the control, the knowledge, the certainty.
This time, instead, I am acknowledging that I am in shifting-mode. Today I also received my weekly horoscope by Rob Brezsny, whom I have been following for the past 14 years and it is more than a horoscope: it is the closest you can get to self-development on a weekly basis, and a kick in your backside, at the same time!
For all Libras, like me: Your word of power for the coming weeks is *ubuntu*, a Zulu term meaning "I am because we are" or "the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity." Nobel Prize- winning theologian Archbishop Desmond Tutu writes, "A person with *ubuntu* is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished." I hope that between now and August 25, Libra, you will put *ubuntu* at the centre of everything you do. Make it an intensely practical practice.
This is how I am feeling. During these past virulent months, I have been connecting with old friends back home (you see, I write back home, automatically; but, where is home?): old school friends, a friend I haven’t seen in about 35 years with whom I ended up collaborating on his music; and lately, a friend I haven’t seen in about 20 years, who comes from what I would define “my land”: the same land which gave birth to my father and his father before him and I am even more so reminded of this, by using his little dark wooden table, for my tarot spread, this morning. Back home. From down there.
I am reminded of the shamanic journey I did 4 years ago, which spoke to me of fairies, and sbilfs, and freshly cut hay, and scythes, unspoken words, and waters. That magical world which is not only there, but also in here.
So: who am I? In a previous post, I wrote about stripping myself bare of all other identities and labelling: no more wife, daughter, girlfriend, student, … who am I?
Today is also a New Moon Day: a moon in Cancer which whispers of my father, old songs and clear fresh running waters, cleansing. And emotions, of course.
Today I am like this: contemplating whether I am a fool or I am just hanging there, waiting. For what? A clear communication from the stars, a hint from within, an illumination? It is these days when I don’t know what I think I am supposed to know, that I am thankful for the Morning Pages, and for the whiff of hay coming from 2,000 km away, those words, again! I wrote and I totally forgot I did:
I am summoned to the bridge, journal, and pencil in hand. There I sit and there I write.
And I remember that story of the green clover in white gold, which has been placed in my heart and the dirge of olden times and a bed of amethysts where I must have slept once while the shaman was gently humming, of hills and mountains where you could see the sea in a field of linen. I write of faces of people I thought I forgot, of languages I didn’t know I knew, and of circles and cycles of things that come back to you and of cyclical visions and periodic stories and recurrent people and eternal temporality. I write and I can see my father’s hands and my mother’s writing.
I write and I write.
I write about opportunities and devotion and dedication and commitment. And priorities, my priorities. I explore authenticity and being me is now my vocation. I write about obedience to the waters, to me, to Kali. I write about saying yes instead of saying no. I write about decisions as offerings to the gods. And as Madame Sosostris, I turn into the wisest version of me.
[From “a thousand names” on here.]
Writing about writing: this seems to be my leitmotiv…
Today I am like this: swaying, staying, not doing much, contemplating, pondering, assessing. And it’s ok.
Today is a good day.
Sending you all good vibes!
onwards + upwards ♡
... and mandi! ...
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