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  • Writer's picturematilde tomat

m·r [03]

This has been a day of "itching": itching to make, create, pray, expand, go, move, glue, stick, worship, sing & glorify. A very strange day indeed! Morning centering is taking a more prominent place within my day and I found it particularly funny that all the issues and remonstrations I had about the wordiness of common worship prayer are actually what allows me to dive into a more dedicated and meditative frame of mind... if only I stuck with it sooner! In the morning, now, I wake up with a strong desire to center, meditate, pray, journal and little did I know that THIS morning practice is what then allows me to create after.

I admit I wake up late since I want to stay in bed looking at the window as much as I can; then I prep the living room for my morning practice, including a coffee. I do morning prayers and that includes some extra reading and meditation and then it's the time for second coffee and journaling. There I reflect on the previous day, on the readings during morning prayer but also I journal and record all the ideas that normally come up during meditation: should I try another kind of paper? What about different lines? Where can I push my own boundaries? Can I bring a whole branch upstairs to the studio? What kind of paint shall I use? Shall I try only paper or paper and paint?

Then it's time for washing and eating and planning the rest of the day. Today I drove to Tywyn for some shopping and along the way, I left my heart at some spots but also died a thousand little times on the road: so narrow, so windy and windy, so dangerous... Still, I enjoyed every minute! So, I am stretching and getting back the confidence I thought I had lost last summer.

I am getting back to whom I used to be, that beautiful me!

And then I started making: I felt the cardboard, my hands chose the pieces I needed, my skin caressed and knew where it needed cutting and trimming and I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening (after the lovely dinner with Jack and Scarlett} making, trying, testing, feeling, seeing where this is taking me. There is no planning, just allowing.

I noticed that I feel more comfortable when I work alone. I start a movie in the background, normally a cheesy romantic comedy and that seems to switch the controlling part of my brain off. And then I make. Sometimes I look at the piece and I can feel it out of balance so I add a bit here and a bit there and then the movie takes over again, so I let my mind wander while the hands work.

In that sense, I am playing. But my work is not playful.

Today has been a very good day.

And so I leave you with the daily drawing:

piece of paper evening #4

onwards + upwards,


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