I have been consumed by anxiety in the morning: driving back, back to a place where I feel out-of-place... but then I realised that this is what faith is all about: it's not hoping, it's not wishing.
Knowing that everything is going to be ok, regardless.
Besides, it's a bit pointless to be anxious. I still have to go home. I still have to go back to university. And anxiety does not change my fate or direction for the following days. In that sense, it's a bit of a waste of energy.
Later, around lunchtime, I had this amazing tutorial with Jake Spicer: it was warm, deep, all-encompassing, profound, conclusive while still leaving a lot of doors open, detailed, personal, informed... I mean, I am so ever grateful for this experience! If my first residency has been all about confirming to myself that I can do it, against all odds and no matter what; this instead has been "what an amazing artist-in-the-making I am" and all worthy of the time I have invested in studying, reading, travelling, moving, experimenting, testing, trying, and all that.
As requested by my second module this semester, I have been writing a draft of my artist statement, as one of the outcomes of my tutorial:
Matilde Tomat is an installation conceptual performative artist whose practice focus is on the absence of and / or search for boundaries. Her interest is in the process itself and not in the final piece, where the three-dimensionality of her works takes on the fourth one of time and where space, time and their limitations disappear. Her work is mainly morphogenetic and follows intuitions, instinct, and impulses. Her choice of material stems from an almost archaeological strategy based on enquiry and investigation, ordering and archival. Grounded in existential psychoanalysis and an eclectic philosophical approach, she is interested in creating a phenomenological responsive space where fellow artists and professionals can explore space exploration, conceptual elaborations, material tactility, and the stopping of time; a safe space where transformation happens.
So, there is it. A work in progress but which, for now, makes sense.
This has been a strange day because tomorrow is my last full day: making or packing?
And this is my...
piece of paper evening #13
onwards + upwards,