Part of me doesn't know where today has gone... but the other part of me perfectly knows that today has been mainly a day of cleaning, sorting, hoovering, starting to park, organising, looking at the waters outside of the window, sighing, then looking away, then sitting on the floor, feeling bored and restless, wanting to jump and scream and uproot this floor and this view and take them to BB; or drive to BB and get my stuff and my two cats and drive back here...
This is the kind of day I had.
I feel hungry but I don't know what to eat, I feel I want a shower but I just had one, I feel I would like to spend a whole day making love to someone who will cherish and protect me, I want to dance and write and run. This is the amazing practice of changing: like a snake, my faithful familiar, I need a stone to scratch on in order to shed my skin. Another layer peeled.
There has been a lot of thinking about what I am going to do next and I have actually started my official application to an MRes. At this very moment, I have no interest in making anything that is outside of my research and any artwork I will create has to be connected to and stem from my investigation.
I have also been aware that all this change comes to a price and its fee is fear: prayer has been almost fierce today, with extra psalmody; I even prayed after lunch and I have been considering praying now before going to bed. I am not sure fear of what - maybe just the fear that comes with change. Well, you know what? Let's blame the Moon! It's Full Moon in Leo today, a sign of Fire...
So, I think I will pour myself another tea and I will leave you with my...
piece of paper evening #12
onwards+upwards,
mx