This has been a day of catching up, as in the need to sleep, relax and do nothing caught up with me. Still, I have journaled, prayed and reflected, but I did not feel like making anything. I decided to go out for a long drive which took me to Porthmadog via one of the most amazing roads ever, while I chatted with HR on the way back. It felt like having a foot in a dream and one in reality and not knowing exactly where I wanted to stay.
Later, I had supper with my hosts and the conversation between Scarlett and I turned to the past, memories, travels, and my granddad. I am thinking about the concept of "staying", and where is home, if anywhere; and to the end of Jack Reacher, when in the pavilion he says to Roscoe that there are people who stay around the fire and others who travel and explore. He is the travelling type and I think I am, too. I am left wondering though if I am so convinced that I am the wondering type, why I am still at times so melancholic about it and why I feel the need to be missed and cherished and looked after. How can I pacify that? Or, even better, will I ever be able to find that One who is happy to stay at home, miss me, and wait for my coming back?
This residency could not come at a better time, where the exploration within aided by fr.P is definitely mirrored by my external moving and finding my own space. Journalling today explored this, together with this idea of testing my direction and my spiritual inclination, and the defining of my own personal Venn diagram, where finally everything will fall into its place.
In the meantime, I have worked on my sketchbook and looked at some options for art-making, but in this instance just to hit the learning outcomes required.
I am leaving you as per usual, with...
piece of paper evening #3
onwards and upwards,
mx