alter ego - tpw[l] - 19
The Perfect Wor[l]d - 19
One thing that I haven’t mentioned in the previous blogs is that I am actually writing. Not this blog, not the research for college, or stuff for my other job. I don’t mean that. I mean real writing. My sixth book is taking shape.
I have collected a lot of notes in my journal; the walking up and down the canal is fruitful of ideas and sensations which I then transcribe on paper; I am looking for words, and with that I mean beautiful words and I have treated myself to a little booklet which I am filling with words and concepts and adjectives and nouns and adverbs.
Then, when I think I am ready I sit at my laptop and type. And most of the times I type a couple of thousand words, and I chuck them in the bin. Then, it happens only then: I need to let the juice flowing. I find myself in a place in which I become a conduit for the story. I might have created the perfect plan on paper, but that’s not where the story wants to go. I have an idea of a character because she visited me in dreams or daydreaming while walking or on the train and this character is always some sort of version of me. But this is not to say that this character would do what I am doing. Maybe this character does what I would like to do, or what I am scared to do, or she revisits in her way some sort of pain which is still buried within me. So, I need to let her do her things, say whatever she wants to say and meet, move, or kill freely. And in order to kill the conscious me, the omniscient me, I first need to write about 2,000 words, maybe in the third person and have an idea of a perfect book, which then goes totally disregarded.
Then, the story arrives, she arrives, and the plot unfolds out of my awareness. It feels at time automatic writing, if such thing exists.
This is why I feel overwhelmed, at times, now. I pour and pour and need time to replenish. Also, I have read part of the story aloud to a couple of friends and I felt I had to explain, to go into details, almost to justify something which isn’t justifiable, something that it is as it is.
I am also aware that the breaking up is catching up with me. The well is dry today. Hence, I will keep this post short and nice and, instead, I will read.
© mtomat 2019 - written on 16.07.19 - no reproduction without permission.
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