The very first line of the chapter mentions the doubts we have in accepting God's generosity and our ideas on limited possibilities. What can we actually accomplish? Now, this might sound very much like the Law of Attraction and I am not so sure how to position myself with that facet, but it is true that if I believe that God / Spirit is my Source, then... then! I can have everything I want. There is no limit, there is no condition.
Moreover, I am questioning today, especially this week, what is it that keeps me here, that doesn't allow for me to leave this shore, fully and completely, and to move forward. Especially this week when I felt so much rejection and judgement and I felt I needed to justify and excuse other people's behaviour towards me. This is probably my lesson, for this week: if I want to move forward, I need to leave some stuff, and people, behind. Because I cannot carry everybody with me. Otherwise, there are ingrained behaviours that I keep on repeating which do not allow me to go, to move, to expand.
I have been praying a lot lately, about the future, about decisions, about a frame of mind that needs changing. And then I felt hurt by others' behaviour, while in the end, it was just the final push, that lesson I needed to grasp, in order to advance. This hurt I have been feeling now is exactly what I have been praying for. If you need to move forward, maybe your hint is in people rejecting you, because Source wants you somewhere else. And it is time for you to go. I am sure that now this path I will need to be on will be filled with opportunities, new friends, companionship, and money. And this is because I have chosen to take that leap of faith and to step outside of the boat and trust that God will keep me afloat.
I have learned to believe that my Creativity is a mirror experience of Creation. Creativity is spiritual. Hence, I have to learn to depend on whatever is within and not on whoever is on the outside and their reactions. I have decided to stop playing being nice at all times, to be always helpful, always condescending, always accepting, and always understanding. There comes a time when we need to say STOP, and to send love and light to the people around us; but also to go. And to go alone. By staying here listening, accepting, excusing is a way of murdering my own sweet self which instead cried to leave, to travel, to spend hours writing and reading in solitude. For the past couple of weeks, no... not true! even a couple of months... I started watching again movies where writers change their lives, move, explore and expand. Most of the time, these involve the sea in some shape or form (see the 2014 movie Ride with Helen Hunt, just to name one).
I watched No Time to Die the other day, sobbing - literally sobbing - at the scene where he moors his boat outside of that house in Jamaica and not because [spoiler alert] he dies at the end of the movie, but because I want a house like THAT and for me to be a revisited version of Ian Fleming / Ernest Hemingway / Joseph Conrad / Graham Greene you name it: this is what I want. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy with where I am sitting at the moment, this little wooden house at the end of a garden. It is peaceful, it is quiet, and it is warm. But I feel that thanks to The Artist Way, a time has come when I have to make a further decision on where my life is heading and adjust consequently. This craving which has always been here as a faithful companion is hinting at me, it's nudging me into action now. At times it's even shouting. I have no idea about what I am going to do next, but there is a more defined idea of the direction and especially a deep-rooted knowledge of what I don't want and a stronger acknowledgement and acceptance that in order to move forward, I need to leave some [things] behind.
onwards, always onwards,
mx