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  • Writer's picturematilde tomat

on being AIR...

... and meeting WATER.

I am sitting on my sofa facing east, the wind, the sun rising, the element of Air. I am a Libra sun and Libra rising, of the Vata constitution. I hear things not many people can; I can smell scents and odours not many are aware of. I love ravens which often appear in my dreams but fly around me when outdoors. There is an instinct that connects me with air, the unseen energy, that raw energy that makes everything. I am intrigued by the concept of SPACE, the space in-between. What is in there? I dance, move, sway. And I love the presence of water with which I play creating waves, and which dampens me and makes me heavier when I am too much in my head.

I am sitting facing east, on the feminine axis of water - air. West to East.

In my elemental discovery during this [PAUSE] I took from early December, I was made aware that energy is what interests me. Energy and its manipulation: from studying Physics, to symbols and Semiotics, dancing and drumming and tarot reading, all practices along the way have one thing and only one in common: energy and its manipulation.

Words such as God, Goddess, Source, Divine sit uncomfortably within me albeit I can use them at times. But energy is what I go back to, always. Energy as electricity, sound, waves, heat. Energy as what fascinated me from the very beginning with the Celestine Prophecy, to my creating the artwork The Third Insight a couple of years ago. It was always there but I was missing the coming into light. Always there but me never aware. I have always been a seeker looking for this Trait d'Union among all those disparate things I was interested in.


Pure E N E R G Y

Along the way, during all these years since 1988 and then especially after the Prophecy in 1996, I picked up theories, religions, dogmas, practices and frameworks hoping that they would explain. Hoping to rest my soul, to quench this thirst I had within. I was believing, everytime, that what seemed to work so well for others, should also work well with me. I should fit in.

It never did.

Every time I was left emptied, frustrated, chastised, judged, not wanted even from the Divine which instead it seemed opened his arms to some many others. Maybe I was really not good enough. Me, wandering and not belonging.

But now I know that all of this had a purpose: to bring me here. Comfortable, with whispers brought by the winds and flapping of wings and sails; embraced by water; grounded by soil and warmth by fire.

Energy manipulation. The discovery made it very clear to me why I always felt so attracted to Shamanism, drumming, dancing, elation and ecstatic practices; but also to Qigong which I tried so many times and never stuck with it. Now, that I know about this common denominator, the practice of Qigong, together with Yoga or Tai Chi comes naturally every morning. Now I understand the reason, the whys: why I was attracted and why now I stick with it and where its collocation is.

Everything now looks like a gigantic puzzle I can make sense of. Now I see a picture and now, and only now, I can move forward.

Everything now fits perfects and has a sense, a meaning and a direction.

More, next week.


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