"I must change my life so that I can live it, not wait for it. Maybe I should give David up."
She was even contemplating giving her son up so that she could live her life to the full. What am I ready to give up? What do I have to give up?
To start I took a well-deserved break on Sunday even though I went for a walk at Preston Marina and noticed how nature catches herself up with us. If we give her time, she will take over. If we constrain her and cut her out, if we lock her in, she will kick and fight back.
If we pollute her and desecrate her, our karma [or bad actions if you prefer to call it that way] will come back and haunt us. Instead, we should take our time and look at every single leaf of grass as a tealight flickering in an old chapel.
Today I went back to Turton and Entwistle Reservoir, parked in my usual spot and instead of going down my usual way I decided to get lost. When at the bottom, I stopped to eat my usual apple and lay on the damp grass. I wanted to be at one with that rotting peatiness that filled my nostrils so that I could take some of it home with me. It felt freeing, empowering, connecting. Because of the fog, there was barely anyone. And I felt ok with the world. At peace with everything. I decided then to take a "wrong turn" and instead of turning right I kept going and later I found myself in the most spectacular natural nave I have ever been to, leading to a hidden apse if only we trusted and followed the path. I was alone, in the mist, among trees so tall I felt infinitesimal and still at one with them. I recorded a podcast episode while walking and that can be found HERE.
While there, walking, stopping, absorbing, feeling, and calling for Artemis to show up, I was reminded of the connections Women of the past had with the Land. Then, of course, religion happened [i.e. Christianity arrived and claimed people and places]. The women of the past... they KNEW. The more you tell me what I am not and what I can't achieve; the more you try and convince me what I should be; the more you oblige me, make rules and regulations about what you think is right, and the more you get angry and try to cancel and contain me, please know that I KNOW. Your dogmatic power is based on dominating and conquering, limiting and silencing. MY power is based on BEING. And no words, prayers, convictions, obligations, or rules will change this.
You think, plan and regulate. I know because I am.
o' ti spieti Belén*, o' ti spieti balant... [mitili FLK]
onwards + upwards > out + about
mx
*Belén, or Belenus, Celtic healing God with a main sanctuary located at Aquileia [very close to where I am from...] linked to the Irish Bel which gave the name to the festival of Beltaine and often identified with Apollo, the twin brother of my Goddess Artemis...
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Date : 9 OCT 2023
Duration : 01:25:21 - 4.23 km
Steps: 5,992
Location : Turton and Entwistle Res.
Weather : foggy
T : 17°