We all have doubts in our practice and to me, practice has become a way to self-enquiry. PL said that that could be seen in any of my pieces already, but it was I who did not see that.
This blessed time of silence and repose and stillness gives me time to understand the reasons why I am doing what I am doing. Especially thinking that the whole idea of my FMP was about “DO YOU SEE ME”: so, now, in this lockdown, do you see me? How does it feel to be here, not seen, and not creating? PL also told me not to worry too much about “creating” as such since I normally work on a very large scale and this is not feasible in the house.
Maybe – no, without maybe – I need to understand and accept WHAT I am fully and thoroughly and then see what is it that I make that gives me pleasure and makes me happy. At that point, it doesn’t matter anything else: whether I sell, make money, live out of it or not; whether I am an artist or not. Whether I am considered an artist, or instead if I am happier discussing art and spirituality and therapy; or whether my own drawings turn into mandalas.
It doesn’t matter.
As of today, this is me.