There is a sense of need to reassess how things are and what I am walking towards. This has been a week of meeting up with old acquaintances long not seen but never forgotten, and to put hearts and mind at rest. Which was... strange.
I have painted, and painted, and painted.
I took a long walk with a tutor I had in my previous college to touch base on where I am and the only thing I could feel was "longing", or missing a place to belong. I could see myself from the outside, thinking I was ok, until I opened my mouth and just pain and weakness came out.
So much more work to do...
The VESSEL asks me to think about boundaries and what contains me: is it too tight? Is it too loose? I feel that neither the MYSTIC nor the CREATOR are here to help. This is a week of weakness. Look at that image, a hand holding a brush. What would it take to turn that card upside down? When I paint, I mostly feel part of a magical ethereal meeting of Creator and Creative Energy, where I am neither and both at the same time. Then, when I take a step back and look at what I made I am left with feel there is the need for more, more, more.
The card suggests I ward off jadedness at all costs; that I recommit to a childlike curiosity; and nix the rules.
As much as I would love to embrace all of this, my heart is heavy with thoughts and deadlines, and a fear of cocking up big time!
One thought I have, re. the vessel is this Vedic idea of the difference between the vessel, and the material it's made of. Which one is the only one real? Only clay exists, isn't it? Not the pot itself. The pot is just a form, an idea, a construct. A necklace is the form of gold but only gold exists. If I think that my Vessel is too tight, that vessel, really, doesn't exist.
The card asks me if I should build, break, or repair that vessel that contains me. "Healing cannot be sustained without a strong container" but what if all these containers, actually, don't exist?!
In the meantime, ad maiora!
© mtomat 2021 - written on 11042021 - no reproduction without permission.