the life purpose is revealed in the journey
I woke up this Full Moon morning with a sense of heaviness and the first cards I pulled were gloomy and I still haven't understood them properly. The same cards come up, over and over again. I feel stuck, or I am made to feel stuck, or stupid like I haven't understood something important, vital, for my moving on. I had the CASTLE, the TEAR, and the THREAD again. I know what they mean, but what do they want from me? There are so many cards in that deck, and I am still juggling this tear and this thread. So, I decided to pull two more cards, and those were the DEAD END and the SHADOW.
The total of the cards was 233, reducing to 8, which in the tarot is the STRENGTH card. I felt today something was wrong, and off. Like if I were sick and that led me to be scared. What is this shadow? And why a dead end?
I know that closed doors are nothing more than "other open doors"; this is just the ending of one chapter, an ending I shouldn't fight. This card is asking me to be honest with myself, to be courageous, to accept and adjust and adapt because there is a new beginning just around the corner. On top, there was this other card, the Shadow: it asks me to go with the shadow, to accept my shadow, to own it. What is it that I have been denying to myself?
I have been left wondering if the shadow is my dead end, or I need the shadow to get out of my dead end. I am at this dead end because of the shadow, do I need to reclaim my shadow? I don't know, and I felt a surge of negativity and confusion.
Hence, I felt compelled to pull three cards from another deck. I wanted to see clearly what was my next move:
The first thing I felt was: what an amazing, colourful, and happy deck this is! It reminds me of the bracelet I wore the other time, summer days, sun shining, and especially positivity! These cards hint at me accepting my own worth, to rest and take stock of what I have. And not to worry, a positive resolution is just around the corner. Listen to my gut feeling, be consistent and that will bring balance. Be patient!
At that point, I decided to go and take a long bath. I took my laptop upstairs with me, and I decided to watch a horoscope video by Nicholas Ashbaugh. I usually watch my SUN + Rising sign with him (LIB), but between yesterday and today multiple times YouTube suggested I watched instead my Moon sign (CAPR). And so I did.
I was there, in the bath, immerse in water, when he started talking about this spirit animal he dreamed about: the Sea Turtle.
And there, I was moved to tears. Just by listening to the name.
1. when I was young we had a stuffed gigantic sea turtle in the house which I always felt "talked" to me;
2. in the midst of my despair at the end of 1988, I remember having a dream where I was among gigantic walking green turtles, in a luscious park; the therapist I was seeing at the time told me about the representation of ancestors being always energetically present to protect me, which made a massive difference in my recovery and I think this is the reason it always stayed with me;
3. when I decided to change my life and I went on to study oceanography and marine sciences, the turtle was the animal I was more drawn to;
4. so much so I decided I would have moved to the Indian Ocean, on an island, to help in a conservation project all revolving around sea turtles; if you think this is not important, pls note I do not even take the 2-hour plane to fly home to Venice; but I would have taken a plane to go the Indian Ocean to save turtles, all by myself;
5. when I moved to the UK, someone gave me a tiny little turtle in jade, which is always on my altar.
Me, turtles and the sea... what's not to like?!
At the end of the reading, during the meditation and sound bath, I felt a sense of releasing power activated in me, and I could see myself shifting from this energetic turtle to a "flying turtle", sprinting out of the water, as a dragonfly/phoenix animal and back into my body.
Turtle are symbols of patience, resilience, self-pace, protection. They are ancient, wise. They can hold their breath for quite some time, but then they need to come back to the surface to breathe and rest. They represent Mother Earth, protection, strength. They might not be fast on land, and not fastest in water, too. They have their own pace, but they are excellent divers.
And these are all messages I needed to hear, today. Come back to the surface and breathe, 'ea. I also noticed how the turtle card I have, is 62. Again: 8. Strength. Which is also my birth card and the card of Libra.
And this is where I leave you because I will take more time today to recuperate and meditate.
In the meantime, ad maiora!
© mtomat 2021 - written on 28032021 - no reproduction without permission.