I am not my anxiety
Welcome to week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility. How are you all doing?
Shall we talk about anxiety, for a moment? Or that kind of sadness you might call “depression”. Or that feeling of being off, somehow; not grounded, overwhelmed, lost, detached, disassociated. That feeling!
At times that feeling can turn into frustration, anger, restlessness, needing “something” and not being able to pinpoint what is that we are missing, needing, craving, codependency, addiction. Pins and needles, anyone? An itchy sensation for change?
There are two elements I would like to discuss, here: identification and hiding of the True Self.
We tend to identify with the anxiety: I am anxious. You don’t understand: I am anxious. Or: I am depressed, I am sad, I am lonely. What would the difference be if instead of I am we would say: I have or I suffer from? I have sadness, I suffer from anxiety. Anxiety, sadness, loneliness are not me. I might suffer in the same way as when I experience a headache. They were not here before, they come, they go, they are not here now. Not anymore. After my crippling panic attacks and years of anxiety, I learned, first, to live with them: I can still catch a bus and go to work even if I have a cold, a headache, or anxiety. By doing this, I switch focus from the anxiety to something else, and I managed to detach from the identification until I discovered where the anxiety was coming from: me. Not other people or situations, but simply me.
You see, there was this woman who came from a certain family, culture and country, history and personal past, validations and expectations; and then there was this hidden True Me. The conditioned me and the real me. And the inner true me so wanted to be heard, but the more she was wanting to be seen, the more the conditioned was getting louder and louder, and excessive, and domineering. This is the anxiety (or depression, or codependency): the real me trying to make herself heard because she knows what's good for me. Part of growing up is paying attention to that voice within, trusting that what she says is important and true, and following what she suggests. Realising that I was a separate, different, unique entity from my family (as much as they were!) freed me tremendously. When I became aware that I had no obligations and I was free to do what I wanted, and explore life in its totality and following my real inclinations and to pursue what my purpose for this earthly journey is, my anxiety vanished. She had no reason to exist. For some people just learning this process of detachment is their purpose, to be then passed on to others in the same situation.
One thing I can assure you, though: once you realise that you are not your anxiety, and you drop it and let it go especially if it becomes a constant in the background, you will find yourself in front of so many various possibilities you will feel excited to be able to choose from such a variety!
If you want to know more about my journey as a Perfect Daughter, Rebeltherapy can be found here.
Sending you all good vibes!
onwards + upwards ♡