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  • Writer's picturematilde tomat

TAW wk 03 : POWER /a

a dedication to Love

What an end of a week! I went for long walks and chats with friends, coffees in quaint places, and a Sunday of worship to Kali Ma aided by a very vocal cat, James. I had to face a demon, as in finding the courage to state my truth, with the fear of being judged, dismissed, pushed to change my opinions and beliefs. Part of me would still, at times, find it easy to “stay” hidden and just to go along but I am now tired to conform to others’ expectations. Judges judge regardless, hence I may as well keep on doing my own things. And as in the Rules of the Road, I have to remind myself that I am only responsible for showing up, and to do the work, not for what people think of my work, or my life in general, to be honest.

I am here about to start the week on POWER, August is around the corner and the omens are in my favour. I feel energised, electric, sensual, and a tad pissed off. More than anything, I am feeling alert, that’s the word. Alert. What if my prayers and desires are going to be answered? Do I feel I deserve my desires to be fulfilled? Yes, a big fat soft and loud yes! The whole shame and not-deserving, and criticising seem to have gone, which goes together with the realisation that I have less weight to carry. This seems to be coupled with a deep knowledge of… love. I love. I deeply love my cats, my house, my life, my laptop, the words I am writing, the sun hiding behind the clouds. I am pervaded and filled by the bliss of ecstasy for everything and everyone and, of course, someone in particular.

My art-making and my writing are a safe space to explore all this and I will keep on self-loving, and praising, and encouraging and loving me.

And this is my power: my own love. I have always thought in the past that I had to be loved and in a relationship to be fulfilled and protected, and to care for myself by proxy, instead now it all comes from me. Again: this is my power. This is my superpower. To be in a place where I don’t need anyone to be happy. To make me happy. Where I can buy my own flowers and take myself out for dinner and on holiday.

This does not mean that I don’t want a relationship. I think that finding the right person, that perfect partner in crime, who would understand my art, my exuberance, my need for silence and my independence is not an easy task. Not being in a relationship does not diminish my love for a wonderful man I had high hopes for. Nor it diminishes my happiness, or my desire to live a fully creative life. I am now, though, at that stage in which I accept people for who they are because I cannot change them. But this does not diminish my love for them {not at times the frustration that follows the obvious if only…]

I see among the exercises of the week the task of free-association to sentences:

If it weren’t too late, I’d…

I am afraid that if I started dreaming, …

If it didn’t sound so crazy, I’d write…

I could easily add the if only...

I knew already over the weekend that this would have been the perfect time for Persuasion and The Lake House. Again, of course.

So, I will be experimenting with options this week. In my own singolitude, I have decided to offer the month of August to Love and to my Heart. For this reason, may I suggest you have a look at Yoga for Head and Heart here from Yoga with Adriene? Here is also the LINK for the free August 2020 INQUIRE plan, should you desire to follow. It begins with “Awakening the Artist Within” so of course, you want to! This is the full playlist on YouTube.

In the meantime, I am re-reading some hints I found in my journal: the Heart knows; How can I listen to what I am feeling? Do I have to take any action? How can I be more honest with myself? And: do I need to? Remember to hunt for fairies! Get out of your head and stay with your heart!

Everything is going to be just perfect! Because believing is seeing. In the meantime, I am waiting for signs (another superpower of mine!).

In the end, isn't Love the greatest power of all?

If you haven’t done it yet and you would like to join me, pls check my first post here and follow me on FB here for tips, hints and to share your experience.

Sending you all good vibes!

onwards + upwards ♡



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