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  • Writer's picturematilde tomat

reserv·ātiō /14

I walked back to the dragon today. There was a sense of urgency in my steps. I did not take an apple nor water. I didn't go the long-way round. I just needed to see him. All the way there I was thinking about anthropomorphising [if such a word exists...] objects and in this case, this fallen tree. I was looking at a 2020 paper by Echo Wen Wan and Rocky Peng Chen titled [of course!] Anthropomorphism and object attachment HERE and I was reflecting on, in their words, imbuing "non-human objects with human-like characteristics, [which] alters people's relationship with the objects, and shift people's emotional and cognitive responses towards the objects" and provide "a sense of comfort and pleasantness, self-identity (i.e. individual self, relational self, collective self), and self-efficacy." I mean, we do it with Gods and pets... and even when we shout at our computers for not working!

So, what's with me and sweet EliðiRr? When I am thinking about him I do not see the tree as an object, albeit alive in its vegetative state; or dead [since this is actually a fallen tree]. I perceive a soul, an anima, an identity which goes beyond the fallen-tree-object. To me that object has characteristics, feeling, behaviours which are "human" which is in a way a further anthropomorphic stage since I see that fallen tree as a dragon and not as a human being. So, a dragon who exhibits human behaviours.

When I was a child I remember being given a doll "coz I was a good girl" and then a second doll later on. I remember feeling very guilty for the attentions I would give to the first doll when compared to "the other one". So, I was obliging myself to kiss and hug both ones in the same way not to hurt "the other one's" feelings. I was feeling guilty for not loving in the same amount, for not being able to provide that same sense of love; or that whatever I was offering was fake and not true. Between these two dolls, the earthquake happened and the attachment I had to the first doll, the one I chose, I wanted, I dressed and bathe and cuddled was of course exclusive. She was with me during my worst months after the event and we looked out for each other. I saved her during the earthquake by hiding her before the quake because I knew something was about to happen. "The other doll" was just that: another doll. But in my eyes and heart she had feelings of neglect and abandonment. She longed for an affection which I felt I could not give her. Because she wasn't "my first doll".

I felt a similar form of attachment for a little teddy bear I found here on the streets of this town I live in: damp, cold, left on the curb. Alone. I walked past this thing in the rain and then I felt a compulsion to go back and pick him up. He is still with me, sometimes even in my backpack when I travel. Sometimes I sleep with him. I do care for him because I found him during one of my worst days ever. To me he represents the inner vulnerable part of me which I need to remember to care for. He is there as a reminder that I exist, too. I found other little teddies on my walks and they are all here, with me. But none feel like him. None embody the same characteristics like the first one found in the rain.

EliðiRr did not speak to me yesterday. I hugged him, I stayed there, I asked for help. I talked. Isn't this what we would normally do in a church or temple? Nature, to me, is the largest sacred place. And to my amazement, this name - EliðiRr - was whispered to me when I saw the fallen tree, my dragon, the first time. Any name could have come up. I heard it in my soul and I "saw" it written, like that, with the ð [the Old English, Faroese and Icelandic letter eth/ðæt] and the Rr. Like that. Google recognise the non-existent word EliðiRr as Icelandic. But I also found out that Elidyr was a 6th century welsh king [!} also known as Elidyr of the Great Army. Allegedly - because we are talking poetry now - he was the grandfather of Merfyn Frych, King of Gwynedd, around 825 to 844. The mountain Elidir Fawr in the Snowdonia area is named after him. Well, I have never been to Snowdonia even though I drove past many times. I find fascinating and enthralling, and I feel seen... knowing that I "met a dragon who whispered to me his name" as EliðiRr which is connected to a place where 1. I always wanted to move to [Bangor / Gwynedd area] since 1987 [!] and 2. where I will be going to do my PhD from January next year.

Who whispered to me that name?

This cannot be just a coincidence.

onwards + upwards > out + about



Date : 18 OCT 2023

Duration : 01:11:35 4.17km

Steps: 5,459

Location : Turton and Entwistle Reservoir

Weather : cold and covered

T : 13°

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