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  • Writer's picturematilde tomat

reserv·ātiō /11

Happy Solar Annular Eclipse and New Moon in Libra: what energy! There is a lot of leaving behind, cutting ties, moving on, changing, looking forward... very intense. I have been observing my energy shifts and changes since Pluto slowed down and then came to a stop and now has started moving forward again. This all happens during my own solar return (my birthday was on Wed 11th) and with me being a Libra Sun and Rising. Let's also add that Pluto was lately going up and down over my birth Moon in Capricorn, so... hey ho! Happy Times!

In honour of this shift and as part of my practice, I have done a tarot reading today that I want to explore here on this entry. Here are the images:

I use The Wild Unknown Alchemy by Kim Krans which has been instrumental for my Practice-led MA by Research HERE. The question that came up while journaling this morning was all about this resignation letter I emailed yesterday and how I feel I have chickened out and now I feel trapped and a tad ashamed (see previous post). So, the question was, what next? How to move forward? Well, look at those cards! Saturn, which is all about structure, help and support, authority and consequences, was the first card that jumped out. It's not the first time that he has come and visited. I do need some of those Saturn qualities such as endurance, resilience, commitment, and steadiness, to be self-assured in my own authority.

Then the path split into two: on one side, the left, we have Lac Virginis: this is innocence that turns into naivety; when purity becomes denial. There I need discernment, honesty and buckets of patience. Stop hurrying to do, make, create, destroy, redo... just stop and think. Plan, woman. Plan! This card is covered by the Succus Lunarie: which is the sacred water, that's at the conjuncture of water, plants and the moon. These are my dreams and my subconscious. This is the card that appeared towards the end of my MA and that changed everything and the findings. This is me ready to receive potent dreams for the next three nights when my unconscious decides to come up and make itself known to me. This is a mythical moment, full of promises, mysticism and imagination. This is the card that tells me that were are going to work and work deep.

On the other side, on the right, the path that leads to gold begins with the Spiritus Rector: this is my own inner voice, my guide. This is not the time to feel scared or alone. That voice is always there, present, supportive, understanding, and inspiring. That voice has been vital in some moments of my life when I felt that things were falling apart and pretty fast and bad but instead, something inside me, whispered: you are going to be ok. And all my fears disappeared. There is this beautiful poem by Juan Ramón Jiménez, I am not I that Kim Krans points us to:

I am not I.

I am this one

walking beside me whom I do not see,

whom at times I manage to visit,

and whom at other times I forget;

the one who remains silent while I talk,

the one who forgives, sweet, when I hate,

the one who takes a walk when I am indoors,

the one who will remain standing when I die.

This is the time of the unseen, that mystical inner voice. This is the time to close my eyes and let go and here I feel that I shouldn't have chickened in... I should have stuck to my original idea. This card was followed by the Azure Vault, the celestial realms, the e x p a n s i v e n e s s of our imagination: there all things are possible if we just stop and study blue and boy! this is basically my MA! We should sit, quietly, and study blue: it is the value and need for melancholia; it is moodiness, it is holiness, new depths, all new potentialities and possibilities. It's the New Moon today: it's blue time; the unlikely it is actually the most likely: be open! Because then Ares / Mars arrived. This means vigour, activism, militantism. It means pursuing social justice; it means having a clarity of purpose, listening to our voice within, it is speaking our own truth. But it also means leaving toxic relationships or even a job for good... we normally would talk about Mars as having an iron fist, but my card was paired with Aeris / Copper, instead [look at those names, though: Ares and Aeris...]. So, what would support my Mars fire? Fertility, the womb, creativity. But mainly sensuality, the Mystique, the sense of Awe. THIS is what will drive my passion. Think a shift in priorities: what if it changed from being money and paying the mortgage to actually the Heart, Nature, my sense of Awe, anything that is Life-affirming and life-generating; anything that would bring sensuality and where Aphrodite and pleasure would mean revering the generative senses. Think about also those hues of green and blue when copper oxidises, the hues of the Azure Vault... Letting go is definitely required. This path ends with Aurum / Gold and not the precious metal, but the inner gold, that philosophic gold, the divine quintessence, the mystical essence within. I will recognise this when I encounter anything that feels soft and radiant, warm and bright, marvellous and rare. This will be revered. Its properties will be known and its source sought after.

Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

[robert frost, 1923]

How to translate all of this into real life? Not as easy as it seems; or instead very easy and I am still worried and would like a confirmation that everything is going to be okay and I will be safe no matter what. I am sure that unless something drastically changes, what is "new" will not be able to reach me. Unless I cut all mooring lines, I will never set off.

I will allow for this energy to settle and then, of course, more walks more greens, more fresh energy!

onwards + upwards > out + about



Date : 14 OCT 2023

Duration : ---

Steps: ---

Location : did not move from my house

Weather : windy & cold

T : 12°

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